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January '11

Joke Time By Edgar BelloWays to Know You Are a Filipino

1.You point with your lips

2. You nod upwards to greet someone.

3. You collect items from hotels or restaurants "for souvenir".

4. You smile for no reason.

5. You flirt by having a foolish grin in your face while raising your eyebrows repeatedly.

6. You go to a department store and try to bargain the prices.

7. You add an unwarranted "H" to your name, i.e. "Jhun," "Bhoy," "Rhon."

8. You put your hands together in front of you as if to make a path and say "excuse, excuse" when you pass in between people or in front of the TV

9. You like everything imported or "state-side."

10. You check the labels on clothes to see where it was made before buying.

11. You always offer food to all your visitors.

12. You say "comfort room" instead of "bathroom."

13. You say "for takeout" instead of  "to go."

14. You asked for "Colgate" instead of  "toothpaste."

15. You asked for a "pentel-pen" or a "ball-pen" instead of  just "pen."

16. You order a McDonald's instead of "hamburger" (pronounced ham-boor-jer)

17. You say "Ha?" instead of "What."

18. You say "Hoy" to get someone's attention.

19. You answer when someone yells "Hoy."

20. You turn around when someone says "Psst!"

21. Your sneeze sounds like "ahh-ching" instead of "ahh-choo."

22. You prefer to make acronyms for phrases such as "OA" for over acting, or "TNT" for, well, you know.

23. You say "air con" instead of  "a/c" or air conditioner.

24. You say "brown-out" instead of "black-out."

25. You have a portrait of "The Last Supper" hanging in your dining room.

26. You own a Karaoke System.

27. You own a piano that no one ever plays.

28. You refer to your VCR as a "beytamax

29. You have a giant wooden fork and spoon hanging somewhere in the dining room.

30. Your car has too many "burloloys" like a Jipneys back in the Philippines.

31. You hang a Rosary on your car's rear view mirror.

32. You order a "soft drink" instead of a "soda."

33. You refer to seasonings and all other forms of monosodium glutimate as "Ajinomoto"

34. This you 'll agree 100% ... Goldilocks means more to you than just a character in a fairytale.

35. Filipino ka dahil may tabo, plastic or can sa loob ng inyong ‘comfort room.’

* * * * *

Ano daw?

Mga Holidays...
Q:  Ano ang holiday para sa mga nanay?
A:  Mothers day
Q:  Ano naman ang holiday para sa mga tatay?
A:  Fathers day
Q:  Ano naman ang tawag sa holiday ng mga buntis?
A:  E, di, labor day!
Q:  Ano ngayon ang tawag sa holiday para sa mga binata?
A:  Palm Sunday!!!

* * * * *

Q:  Bakit mas matataba ang mga may asawang lalaki kaysa sa mga binata?
A: Kasi ang mga binata, pag-uwi, titingnan ang laman ng ref niya at kapag walang nakita,

humihiga na lang sa kama at matutulog na.  Ang may asawa, pag-uwi, titingnan ang kama at

makikita ang misis nila, pumupunta na lang sa kusina para buksan ang ref nila.

Q: Ano ang pinagkaiba ng lalaking tumataya sa lotto at ang lalaking nakikipag-away sa misis

A: Mas malaki ang tsansa ng lalaking manalo sa lotto kaysa sa pakikipag-away sa misis niya.

Q: Ano ang sinabi ni Satanas nang ipanganak AKO?
“Lintek! Isa na namang anghel ang ipinanganak.”
Q: Ano naman ang sinabi niya nang ipanganak KA?
Oh, no! Hindi puwede ito! Ayoko pang mag-retire!”

Q: Ano ang sabi ng bangus nang mamamatay na siya?
A: I’m daing!
Q: Ano ang sabi ng isda nang hiwain siya sa gitna?
A: I’m tuna (two na).

Q: Ano ang pagkakatulad ng sex at insurance?
A: Habang tumatanda ka, tumataas ang presyo.

Toronto, Canada

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